I'm on my break in Anatomy right now and I just thought of hitting the library instead of staying inside that damn cold room for various reasons. First, I am extremely sleepy and my eyes are about to drop. I don't want my professor to see me snoring inside the classroom. That ain't just appropriate. Secondly, I was being bitchy to Joel the whole 2 hours and I don't want to stay any longer than that. I need to clear my mind first and get over this shit before I go back. And lastly, I failed my Anatomy test. Why yes, I totally killed my first test! When I got my paper back, I was so mad that I crumpled my paper instantly and I think my professor saw me do that. I was mad, frustrated, disappointed, and absofuckinglutely not delighted by my test scores. I did study but I know it wasn't enough. I didn't memorize shit at all and I just scanned over the book. All those nights of reading just went down the drain and I wasn't credited for it. What an unruly world. I know. I know. It was my fault and I have no one to blame but myself but fuck that. I did study but I such a dumbass for not putting too much effort on it.

The moment I got my paper, it was Joel whom I threw all my frustrations to. He was mad at me for bitching at him cos he certainly has nothing to do with my damn test score. I chose not to cheat that day so I got an F. This is the reward for being such a good student? Are you suggesting to might as well cheat? : Argh. Fuck this motherfucker. I feel bad for Joel cos he clutched all my anger and just remained silent. I have issues okay and I don't really like having bad grades though I know in myself that I am responsible for all these. What can I say, I'm just a perfectionistist that doesn't even know how to aim perfectly. I'm such a jerk. Fuccck.

But the Professor told me that I could still get an A in that class cos she can drop this test and do good on the remaining 5. I know I should feel a little better after she have said that but fuck that still. I can't get over it and I'm so mad at myself. But I can't do anything about it no more. I already screwed it up and all I need to do is STUDY EVEN MORE and MEMORIZE all shit. I just realized that Anatomy isn't just about understanding those damn cell tissues. Try memorizing? Damn it.