Friday, September 25, 2009
I'm just a girl
I'm so sorry cause I wasn't much of a big help yesterday. I just stood there, and rapped my mouth away. I know if my Dad could've done something or even Tito Benjie then the credit would have been given to me. I wish I could've helped you out in the best way that I could to deserve whatever your dumb ass friend is getting. I completely understand that you're paying him back whatever you "owe" to him. He was the one who rescued you that night anyways. It's life. I just wish I could have done something noble that night so that I'm the one you're spending the night with cuddling, watching a movie or just talking things from the past and whatever that interests us in the future...but then you're not here. You're at your apartment with your dumb ass friends. I wish I could have helped you out with your car so the attention would then be all on me. I hope I could be a guy sometimes so when things like that happens, I'd be able to help you out right away. I'm sorry. I'm just a girl...a pretty lame kind of girl.
P.S: I'm so selfish when it comes to Joel. I don't want to share him with his friends, not even for a day. But it changed today since he's so thankful to his faggot friend who helped him out last night. Whatever. I hope you guys would turn out gays one day.
Made love @ 10:16 PM
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
I failed
I'm on my break in Anatomy right now and I just thought of hitting the library instead of staying inside that damn cold room for various reasons. First, I am extremely sleepy and my eyes are about to drop. I don't want my professor to see me snoring inside the classroom. That ain't just appropriate. Secondly, I was being bitchy to Joel the whole 2 hours and I don't want to stay any longer than that. I need to clear my mind first and get over this shit before I go back. And lastly, I failed my Anatomy test. Why yes, I totally killed my first test! When I got my paper back, I was so mad that I crumpled my paper instantly and I think my professor saw me do that. I was mad, frustrated, disappointed, and absofuckinglutely not delighted by my test scores. I did study but I know it wasn't enough. I didn't memorize shit at all and I just scanned over the book. All those nights of reading just went down the drain and I wasn't credited for it. What an unruly world. I know. I know. It was my fault and I have no one to blame but myself but fuck that. I did study but I such a dumbass for not putting too much effort on it.
The moment I got my paper, it was Joel whom I threw all my frustrations to. He was mad at me for bitching at him cos he certainly has nothing to do with my damn test score. I chose not to cheat that day so I got an F. This is the reward for being such a good student? Are you suggesting to might as well cheat? : Argh. Fuck this motherfucker. I feel bad for Joel cos he clutched all my anger and just remained silent. I have issues okay and I don't really like having bad grades though I know in myself that I am responsible for all these. What can I say, I'm just a perfectionistist that doesn't even know how to aim perfectly. I'm such a jerk. Fuccck.
But the Professor told me that I could still get an A in that class cos she can drop this test and do good on the remaining 5. I know I should feel a little better after she have said that but fuck that still. I can't get over it and I'm so mad at myself. But I can't do anything about it no more. I already screwed it up and all I need to do is STUDY EVEN MORE and MEMORIZE all shit. I just realized that Anatomy isn't just about understanding those damn cell tissues. Try memorizing? Damn it.
Made love @ 3:11 PM
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Ziggyziggywaah!
A picture of me, Ziggy and Joel.By the way, Ziggy is our new baby. She's a 6 month old Pitbull and was brought to us today. It was unexpected actually because Joel's friend who happens to have this dog can't maintain all her needs no more so he needs to give her away and was asking for a rehoming fee. Since Joel is a fan of Pits and we just recently lost Clover, his heart was really all over Ziggy. The moment he saw her, he was so happy. I could really tell. And he's been missing Clover for 3 months now, so when Ziggy came it today, I felt like it was just the right timing. :)
I didn't like her at first actually since she's a full grown dog and she's hella huge for a 6 month old PUPPY, but when I saw Joel's face upon seeing Ziggy, I felt his happiness. I will learn to love her eventually though I love Clover more and I don't want to forget about her. But whatever makes my baby happy, makes me happy. That's just beyond words. :) I hope we won't lose her this time though. We'll be more responsible now. HAHA
I didn't like her at first actually since she's a full grown dog and she's hella huge for a 6 month old PUPPY, but when I saw Joel's face upon seeing Ziggy, I felt his happiness. I will learn to love her eventually though I love Clover more and I don't want to forget about her. But whatever makes my baby happy, makes me happy. That's just beyond words. :) I hope we won't lose her this time though. We'll be more responsible now. HAHA
Made love @ 11:55 PM
Hi, Fan!
This is actually pointless and non of anyone's business but then I can't help but share. :) The mysterious girl can't stop sending me messages and I think her "friend" that was was talking about is either from Multiply or someone who keeps tract of my blogs in Blogspot. She knows a lot of things about me and Joel which is just odd and creepy. I have never had someone tell me things that was kept privately. Well, except for Blogspot. But then I don't really care about her. Who she is, and whoever her friend was. Joel had a lot of flings in the past and he himself can't take track of them anymore so he can't tell me who she was. :) I'm not proud that she had a lot. I am proud that he doesn't do that no more. At least not with me. This mysterious girl makes me thrilled with her deets. She's like Gossip Girl and I feel like Blair Waldorf! :)))))) Ohhh I love how they're giving their FULL attention to me and how they were able to keep track of me. If ever you are reading this FAN, HELLO! :))))))
Made love @ 11:29 PM
Friday, September 18, 2009
3 months!
So 3 months from now, I'd be leaving this crappy town and will hit the Philippines for 2 weeks baby! My parents already bought my ticket and they booked me on the 16th of December, 10pm, bound for Manila Philippines via Philippine Airlines! Woohoo!
Made love @ 11:38 PM
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Yet another hater.
So, I just got a hate mail yet again today. It wasn't actually the "usual" hate mail since she didn't talked trash about me but my boyfriend. She was telling me this and that as if she knows me personally and witnessed our relationship together. Her words were just foul and though it may be true for some part, she doesn't have the right to talk that way. At least not in front of me or sending me a message. I'm not the right person to scorn Joel. Seriously. You can probably tell that to a lot of girls but totally not to me. I hate her angst. I especially hate her big bad mouth.
She tells me she's concerned? What a consolation. Thank you? I don't even think it as you were concerned since you sent me that long and inappropriate message. If you were really concerned about me, you could have listed things of why I shouldn't date Joel. You could have done better than what you sent to me. And if it's true that you KNOW A LOT ABOUT HIM, prove it to me. Girl, I wasn't born yesterday, so don't play tricks on me. Just because you saw us all happy and we're both worry-free, here you are trying to screw everything up? Just so you know, there is no way in hell that Joel and I will split up! NO WAY IN HELL. If problem arises, we're both mature enough to fix it and find means of making it work. You are not my Mom neither my Ate telling me what to do and what's best for me. I have a mind of my own and I know what's best for me. Or if this may not be the best, I know in my heart it is.
I'm not mad not because I never knew anything about what she told me cos I know every single thing. I'm not stupid not to dig deep into Joel's shit. Yes, he did a lot of things that placed the relationship on the edge but then he's just human. He's entitled to make mistakes. Who am I not to forgive and forget when you know the person is trying his best to change? I believe that a person can change if it comes from within and I can totally see that in him. I'm not ashamed to tell everyone that we had a looooooooot of break up-make ups from the past but those stupid risky break-ups made us even stronger. It made us realize that we were so stuck that we can barely imagine living life without each other. Cheesy but that's true.
I was hella mad earlier and even threw tantrums at Joel but he was such a sweetheart that distanced himself and told me, "I know. I'm guilty but didn't we promise to start on a new clean slate? All those happened in the past Babe, it will never happen again." I will put my whole life on the line and if he screws up one day, I'd be the one to tell myself that I'm so stupid for still putting up with this bullshit. But that wouldn't happen though cos I trust Joel and I know he won't do that to me. What I would like you to know though is that though Joel is completely an asshole to you, at least I have someone to cuddle, to have, to hold, and to love. You're probably heartless that's why you excerted too much effort in trying to ruin us. But baby, that ain't going to happen. Your pathetic attempts in ruining the relationship won't work. We're stronger than what you and other people thinks.
We're happy, you're jealous. That's just about it. :)))))
She tells me she's concerned? What a consolation. Thank you? I don't even think it as you were concerned since you sent me that long and inappropriate message. If you were really concerned about me, you could have listed things of why I shouldn't date Joel. You could have done better than what you sent to me. And if it's true that you KNOW A LOT ABOUT HIM, prove it to me. Girl, I wasn't born yesterday, so don't play tricks on me. Just because you saw us all happy and we're both worry-free, here you are trying to screw everything up? Just so you know, there is no way in hell that Joel and I will split up! NO WAY IN HELL. If problem arises, we're both mature enough to fix it and find means of making it work. You are not my Mom neither my Ate telling me what to do and what's best for me. I have a mind of my own and I know what's best for me. Or if this may not be the best, I know in my heart it is.
I'm not mad not because I never knew anything about what she told me cos I know every single thing. I'm not stupid not to dig deep into Joel's shit. Yes, he did a lot of things that placed the relationship on the edge but then he's just human. He's entitled to make mistakes. Who am I not to forgive and forget when you know the person is trying his best to change? I believe that a person can change if it comes from within and I can totally see that in him. I'm not ashamed to tell everyone that we had a looooooooot of break up-make ups from the past but those stupid risky break-ups made us even stronger. It made us realize that we were so stuck that we can barely imagine living life without each other. Cheesy but that's true.
I was hella mad earlier and even threw tantrums at Joel but he was such a sweetheart that distanced himself and told me, "I know. I'm guilty but didn't we promise to start on a new clean slate? All those happened in the past Babe, it will never happen again." I will put my whole life on the line and if he screws up one day, I'd be the one to tell myself that I'm so stupid for still putting up with this bullshit. But that wouldn't happen though cos I trust Joel and I know he won't do that to me. What I would like you to know though is that though Joel is completely an asshole to you, at least I have someone to cuddle, to have, to hold, and to love. You're probably heartless that's why you excerted too much effort in trying to ruin us. But baby, that ain't going to happen. Your pathetic attempts in ruining the relationship won't work. We're stronger than what you and other people thinks.
We're happy, you're jealous. That's just about it. :)))))
Made love @ 10:11 PM
Sunday, September 13, 2009
School madness
2 weeks down 15 to go. :|
School has been giving me stress since the first day and I'm so scared that by the time we reach mid October, I'm already dead. Seriously and honestly speaking, I have never been this pre-occupied with school in my entire life. This is my first so I'm kind of not used to it. I get surprised whenever instead of doing useless things, I would grab my Anatomy book and read. Or whenever I'm at Joel's, instead of watching TV or playing XBOX, I would take my notebook out from my purse and finish homework. I would study not a week before the quiz nor days before that but I make sure that a day before I would study my ass so freakin hard and wouldn't sleep if I don't feel confident enough about the said test. I feel like I'm getting nerd-er by the minute and I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing. Sometimes when I hit the room having my Anatomy book on my hand and pencil on the other, I would say to myself, "Paula is that you?" It's so weird but I think I'm liking it. Tests are never that hard anymore since I read the book ahead of time. I pay attention to that damn parrot which means copying notes like you're in a marathon and listening at the same time. Man... I thought college here is better since teachers don't really care about their students but it made me realize that I would rather have my Professor be so strict and helpful than lenient but not helpful at all. I love Anatomy but when I had Upton as my Prof, it made me hate the subject. She goes so fast like flash and the next thing I know, she's switching slides or on to the next topic. I can't keep up with her, that I'm worried about. I can't even rely to my boyfriend cos you can't talk to him during the first few hours of the day and he zones out during lecture. So I'm left with no one but myself. I need to do almost everything and I feel sad. But it's also my fault though cos I don't oblige him to copy since I'm the one doing it. I'm not asking him to print the lab since I print them out for him out of love. Yes, I am such an obedient student and extremely loving girlfriend.
Now that our Lab/Lecture big test is fast approaching, I can't help but get anxious. She said it will be 10x harder than the quizzes we had and we really have to focus and study more. Knowing Upton, she means what she says and when she says it's hard, it's really HARD. I'm not a smart ass you know and I can't just memorize everything in one sitting. I'm not a visual learner either so it's hard for me to memorize the what the cell tissues look like and everything that goes along with it. It usually takes me time to get a hold of everything. Here I go again pulling myself down. I'm sorry I'm just so stressed right now that I say the most random things ever. I'm scared of our first test in Anatomy and the 5 paged essay in English. A huge bummer for this week. But I know God will never leave my side and He'll be there to help. He's been with me for 2 weeks and thanks to Him I didn't pass out on my 8am class. Though I'm extremely sleepy and about to sleep, God keeps me awake. I'm praying really hard. Sooo hard. :) Aja.
School has been giving me stress since the first day and I'm so scared that by the time we reach mid October, I'm already dead. Seriously and honestly speaking, I have never been this pre-occupied with school in my entire life. This is my first so I'm kind of not used to it. I get surprised whenever instead of doing useless things, I would grab my Anatomy book and read. Or whenever I'm at Joel's, instead of watching TV or playing XBOX, I would take my notebook out from my purse and finish homework. I would study not a week before the quiz nor days before that but I make sure that a day before I would study my ass so freakin hard and wouldn't sleep if I don't feel confident enough about the said test. I feel like I'm getting nerd-er by the minute and I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing. Sometimes when I hit the room having my Anatomy book on my hand and pencil on the other, I would say to myself, "Paula is that you?" It's so weird but I think I'm liking it. Tests are never that hard anymore since I read the book ahead of time. I pay attention to that damn parrot which means copying notes like you're in a marathon and listening at the same time. Man... I thought college here is better since teachers don't really care about their students but it made me realize that I would rather have my Professor be so strict and helpful than lenient but not helpful at all. I love Anatomy but when I had Upton as my Prof, it made me hate the subject. She goes so fast like flash and the next thing I know, she's switching slides or on to the next topic. I can't keep up with her, that I'm worried about. I can't even rely to my boyfriend cos you can't talk to him during the first few hours of the day and he zones out during lecture. So I'm left with no one but myself. I need to do almost everything and I feel sad. But it's also my fault though cos I don't oblige him to copy since I'm the one doing it. I'm not asking him to print the lab since I print them out for him out of love. Yes, I am such an obedient student and extremely loving girlfriend.
Now that our Lab/Lecture big test is fast approaching, I can't help but get anxious. She said it will be 10x harder than the quizzes we had and we really have to focus and study more. Knowing Upton, she means what she says and when she says it's hard, it's really HARD. I'm not a smart ass you know and I can't just memorize everything in one sitting. I'm not a visual learner either so it's hard for me to memorize the what the cell tissues look like and everything that goes along with it. It usually takes me time to get a hold of everything. Here I go again pulling myself down. I'm sorry I'm just so stressed right now that I say the most random things ever. I'm scared of our first test in Anatomy and the 5 paged essay in English. A huge bummer for this week. But I know God will never leave my side and He'll be there to help. He's been with me for 2 weeks and thanks to Him I didn't pass out on my 8am class. Though I'm extremely sleepy and about to sleep, God keeps me awake. I'm praying really hard. Sooo hard. :) Aja.
Made love @ 3:29 PM
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Hi Hater :">
Ever since I dated Joel, there wasn't a time that I never had a hater. It's a compliment to him since he's the reason behind all these, but it makes me sad knowing that by seeing me happy, someone is totally against it. People would call me names and such. If you have any resentment about our relationship, can just please keep it all to yourself? You don't have to come and bash me with words nor make me feel that I am not worthy of him because I seriously don't like the idea. If you want me to realize that then you could probably send me a message saying "Hey Paula, you don't deserve Joel. He deserves someone better. So much better." or simply "Hey why are you so in love with your boyfriend? You look like a loser." Things like these sent privately, that I would appreciate. But broadcasting it to the whole world? Honey what are you? A freakin News Caster that you have to let the people know what's the latest juice? I completely understand if some people act that way. Maybe because they got so close to Joel that they were shocked when he suddenly had a girlfriend. Probably those people who were close to him, that I would understand. But "other" people who's only tryna mess with us? Daaang. What's there to complain when you're not even part of the "list?" For those of you who continually bitches around and will hate me for a while, go on. It won't make me less of a person anyway. Instead you're making me feel that I am truly a "somebody" for you to always talk about me all the freakin time . My name must taste really good. No wonder it's always in your mouth. :) Don't hate happy people. Hate the people who have everything in the world but choses not to be happy cos that's just plain bullshit right there. Don't hate me cos I'm happy with him. Hate me cos I'm me which you will never be. :">
Peace out.
Woo. Up and running for 10 months baby!
Made love @ 3:37 PM
As what they always say, the cover doesn`t describe the inner content perfectly. I live my life the way i want it to be and as much as possible I don`t want anyone to take control of it. My parents and I usually argue just about everything because I stand by my principles. If I want something to happen, even if my parents won't approve to it, I'd still do it. I'm almost an adult and no one tells me what to do. I want I don`t consider myself "normal" because normal is boring. I go beyond that word, but I am not abnormal either. I'm just different from other people which makes me unique. I wear the fanciest clothes, paint the brightest nail colors, wear the most hideous make up but I don't care.
Contrary to what others are saying not a war freak, I just speak my mind, and for the most part I don`t think before I act. I speak sarcasm and a lot of people get offended by it. I have changed a lot, and I thank America for that! =)
