Saturday, August 22, 2009
I think.
Paula thinks..
1. She doesn't deserve Joel. I love him but then having me as his girlfriend doesn't feel right. I'm the most controlling bitch ever and I don't think any guy would like that. I have so much bad qualities which he doesn't like but I'm still grateful that he's still keeping up with me. But then, it makes me think sometimes that after all his hardship and sacrifices, maybe, I don't deserve him at all. :| It makes me sad but what the fuck.
2. It would take her 5 years to finish Nursing. Fuck the educational system here in the States it's so bulok and I don't like it. Unlike in the Philippines where all the classes are already laid in your hands, ours isn't. I haven't taken any Math classes yet and the class are always full. When do you think will I ever get into the program huh? 2012? FML.
3. It's better to just live here for good than stay in the Philippines and do practically nothing. Sure all your friends are there and all the good stuff are there, but I don't think I would survive in the Philippines. At least here, I could work my ass and get paid. But in the Philippines? Where would I be working with my age? Gentlemen's Club which are really disgusting? Fuck that. My parents are thinking of just going back to the Philippines cos they don't see the point of staying here when everyone is back home. Parents can be stupid sometimes.
4. Joel and I are no longer on the "in love" status which makes me sad again. Is it just me or we're really not that in love no more? Having Kristyl and Johann as our newest love birds makes me jealous. Jealous in a way that they're both totally in love with each other and you could really tell from the way they look at each other and even the way they smile. I DONT KNOW! Maybe I'm just over reacting once again but I feel that we passed through that stage. I felt that ever since our relationship got deeper and same with the love, we no longer have that long ass kiss on public and other things. We still kiss on public though and PDA is just visible all the time butttt I don't know! It's not the same anymore.
5. To top this all.. Paula thinks she needs a psychiatrist. After all that I said up there, I seriously think I need to seek help from professionals. I'm not going insane okay, I just need someone whom I can really talk to about my problems and just let this fuckin burden out of my heart and my mind. I'm the type of person that doesn't hold on to grudges really, but I never forget things. I have the tendency of bringing back the past and making you feel guilty about it which is not right. Mom said I have anger management to fix too cos I can never keep my cool. When there's something to be mad about I get really hysterical and shit. HAAYZZZ life. This is the only disadvantage when you're in America with no CLOSE friends nor other family members aside from your immediate family. Maybe this is one of reasons why I get all this kinds of weird behavior since I used to have 298337193 friends to go to when things are really down and Manang Maan is there for me all the time. :| Oh well. I'm done blabbing. This is one helluva random post. I feel embarrassed and at the same time insignificant. I hope I didn't make myself a little less of a person after you read this. :| Boo.
1. She doesn't deserve Joel. I love him but then having me as his girlfriend doesn't feel right. I'm the most controlling bitch ever and I don't think any guy would like that. I have so much bad qualities which he doesn't like but I'm still grateful that he's still keeping up with me. But then, it makes me think sometimes that after all his hardship and sacrifices, maybe, I don't deserve him at all. :| It makes me sad but what the fuck.
2. It would take her 5 years to finish Nursing. Fuck the educational system here in the States it's so bulok and I don't like it. Unlike in the Philippines where all the classes are already laid in your hands, ours isn't. I haven't taken any Math classes yet and the class are always full. When do you think will I ever get into the program huh? 2012? FML.
3. It's better to just live here for good than stay in the Philippines and do practically nothing. Sure all your friends are there and all the good stuff are there, but I don't think I would survive in the Philippines. At least here, I could work my ass and get paid. But in the Philippines? Where would I be working with my age? Gentlemen's Club which are really disgusting? Fuck that. My parents are thinking of just going back to the Philippines cos they don't see the point of staying here when everyone is back home. Parents can be stupid sometimes.
4. Joel and I are no longer on the "in love" status which makes me sad again. Is it just me or we're really not that in love no more? Having Kristyl and Johann as our newest love birds makes me jealous. Jealous in a way that they're both totally in love with each other and you could really tell from the way they look at each other and even the way they smile. I DONT KNOW! Maybe I'm just over reacting once again but I feel that we passed through that stage. I felt that ever since our relationship got deeper and same with the love, we no longer have that long ass kiss on public and other things. We still kiss on public though and PDA is just visible all the time butttt I don't know! It's not the same anymore.
5. To top this all.. Paula thinks she needs a psychiatrist. After all that I said up there, I seriously think I need to seek help from professionals. I'm not going insane okay, I just need someone whom I can really talk to about my problems and just let this fuckin burden out of my heart and my mind. I'm the type of person that doesn't hold on to grudges really, but I never forget things. I have the tendency of bringing back the past and making you feel guilty about it which is not right. Mom said I have anger management to fix too cos I can never keep my cool. When there's something to be mad about I get really hysterical and shit. HAAYZZZ life. This is the only disadvantage when you're in America with no CLOSE friends nor other family members aside from your immediate family. Maybe this is one of reasons why I get all this kinds of weird behavior since I used to have 298337193 friends to go to when things are really down and Manang Maan is there for me all the time. :| Oh well. I'm done blabbing. This is one helluva random post. I feel embarrassed and at the same time insignificant. I hope I didn't make myself a little less of a person after you read this. :| Boo.
Made love @ 4:24 AM
As what they always say, the cover doesn`t describe the inner content perfectly. I live my life the way i want it to be and as much as possible I don`t want anyone to take control of it. My parents and I usually argue just about everything because I stand by my principles. If I want something to happen, even if my parents won't approve to it, I'd still do it. I'm almost an adult and no one tells me what to do. I want I don`t consider myself "normal" because normal is boring. I go beyond that word, but I am not abnormal either. I'm just different from other people which makes me unique. I wear the fanciest clothes, paint the brightest nail colors, wear the most hideous make up but I don't care.
Contrary to what others are saying not a war freak, I just speak my mind, and for the most part I don`t think before I act. I speak sarcasm and a lot of people get offended by it. I have changed a lot, and I thank America for that! =)