Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Difficult measures
So the typical boyfriend/girlfriend daily routine kinda changed. I don't think this is somehow going to make the relationship stronger but I'll give it a try. You know how the saying goes "Too much togetherness can cause boredom and tension within the relationship?" Well, we're kinda experiencing unexpected downfalls in our relationship right now but I'm not saying that we're on the stage where we get bored with each other. We've just been arguing a lot lately and I think that could be one of the reasons why we find our relationship not healthy anymore. I get pissed over the slightest things and same with Joel. I demand too much of his time which is not also right. He has a life of his own and I don't have to control that. If he really wants to be with me then he would make an effort in doing so right? I don't have to make all the moves myself because I'm just making things hard for me.
So the deals were:
1. No annoying phone calls. What he meant by that was no calling in between basket ball practice or no checking up on him every hour. I would like to make a comment on that because I don't normally call him every hour. I have a life too but I do call him A LOT. I'm guilty of that and he told me that his friends have been teasing him cos his phone rings all time whenever they play ball. So to take off the embarrassment, I shall not call. I will wait til he calls me.
2. From now on, he will control the situation rather than me. I have been.. let's admit it the one wearing the pants in the relationship for months now and I think it's time for me to give back the thrown. And I kinda felt that I wasn't worthy enough to "wear it" because I'm too controlling and I don't think it would help.
3. Last but definitely the least, since he has his friends already and they're sort of staying at his apartment most of the time, he can't stay here at home that long anymore. But that's not the worse part. There could be times when he can't even come here anymore because he's too busy accommodating his friends and such. It's hard on my part cos for the last 8 months, we've been together everyday and he never leaves my side. But now it all has to change. We need to work out our schedule and he can't come here whenever I want him to come except for important reasons.
So this was the deal that made me really sad and it started off today. We didn't talk on the phone that much and whenever he'd call he would just ask how I was doing and he's about to do this and do that. I know that's all the boyfriend/girlfriend has to do but I got inclined in talking to him on the phone, so I wasn't used of the 1-minute-phone calls. But what made my day was when he called in the middle of nowhere and asked me to dress up because he'll come pick me up. It feels rewarding knowing that after hours of sacrificing of not calling him and making kulit, he made an effort to go here 30 minutes after his basket ball practice. He said "Doesn't it feel different now that you don't always have to hit me with phrases like 'YOU NEED TO BE HOME NOW'". And I couldn't agree more. It feels really different knowing that he came here because he wanted too and not just because I told him to come. I'm really crossing my fingers on this one that this bullshit of not seeing each other that much and the act of being "emotionally dependent" would work.
I'm just talking this "change" one day at a time and I will for sure realize the importance of this. I'm just putting all my thoughts together thinking that this would really make our relationship even stronger. I just have to think that this absence will make our hearts even grow fonder. And I do believe in order to have a good relationship we must be emotionally dependent, especially me. So in order to this to work out, we need a little space to grow as individuals. And of course I should always keep in mind that Joel just wants the best for us and I believe that he loves me that's why he doesn't want this to be ruined. I just hope I would be able to manage this. AJA.
So the deals were:
1. No annoying phone calls. What he meant by that was no calling in between basket ball practice or no checking up on him every hour. I would like to make a comment on that because I don't normally call him every hour. I have a life too but I do call him A LOT. I'm guilty of that and he told me that his friends have been teasing him cos his phone rings all time whenever they play ball. So to take off the embarrassment, I shall not call. I will wait til he calls me.
2. From now on, he will control the situation rather than me. I have been.. let's admit it the one wearing the pants in the relationship for months now and I think it's time for me to give back the thrown. And I kinda felt that I wasn't worthy enough to "wear it" because I'm too controlling and I don't think it would help.
3. Last but definitely the least, since he has his friends already and they're sort of staying at his apartment most of the time, he can't stay here at home that long anymore. But that's not the worse part. There could be times when he can't even come here anymore because he's too busy accommodating his friends and such. It's hard on my part cos for the last 8 months, we've been together everyday and he never leaves my side. But now it all has to change. We need to work out our schedule and he can't come here whenever I want him to come except for important reasons.
So this was the deal that made me really sad and it started off today. We didn't talk on the phone that much and whenever he'd call he would just ask how I was doing and he's about to do this and do that. I know that's all the boyfriend/girlfriend has to do but I got inclined in talking to him on the phone, so I wasn't used of the 1-minute-phone calls. But what made my day was when he called in the middle of nowhere and asked me to dress up because he'll come pick me up. It feels rewarding knowing that after hours of sacrificing of not calling him and making kulit, he made an effort to go here 30 minutes after his basket ball practice. He said "Doesn't it feel different now that you don't always have to hit me with phrases like 'YOU NEED TO BE HOME NOW'". And I couldn't agree more. It feels really different knowing that he came here because he wanted too and not just because I told him to come. I'm really crossing my fingers on this one that this bullshit of not seeing each other that much and the act of being "emotionally dependent" would work.
I'm just talking this "change" one day at a time and I will for sure realize the importance of this. I'm just putting all my thoughts together thinking that this would really make our relationship even stronger. I just have to think that this absence will make our hearts even grow fonder. And I do believe in order to have a good relationship we must be emotionally dependent, especially me. So in order to this to work out, we need a little space to grow as individuals. And of course I should always keep in mind that Joel just wants the best for us and I believe that he loves me that's why he doesn't want this to be ruined. I just hope I would be able to manage this. AJA.
Made love @ 2:20 AM
As what they always say, the cover doesn`t describe the inner content perfectly. I live my life the way i want it to be and as much as possible I don`t want anyone to take control of it. My parents and I usually argue just about everything because I stand by my principles. If I want something to happen, even if my parents won't approve to it, I'd still do it. I'm almost an adult and no one tells me what to do. I want I don`t consider myself "normal" because normal is boring. I go beyond that word, but I am not abnormal either. I'm just different from other people which makes me unique. I wear the fanciest clothes, paint the brightest nail colors, wear the most hideous make up but I don't care.
Contrary to what others are saying not a war freak, I just speak my mind, and for the most part I don`t think before I act. I speak sarcasm and a lot of people get offended by it. I have changed a lot, and I thank America for that! =)