As what they always say, the cover doesn`t describe the inner content perfectly. I live my life the way i want it to be and as much as possible I don`t want anyone to take control of it. My parents and I usually argue just about everything because I stand by my principles. If I want something to happen, even if my parents won't approve to it, I'd still do it. I'm almost an adult and no one tells me what to do. I want I don`t consider myself "normal" because normal is boring. I go beyond that word, but I am not abnormal either. I'm just different from other people which makes me unique. I wear the fanciest clothes, paint the brightest nail colors, wear the most hideous make up but I don't care. Contrary to what others are saying not a war freak, I just speak my mind, and for the most part I don`t think before I act. I speak sarcasm and a lot of people get offended by it. I have changed a lot, and I thank America for that! =)

Janina

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Coding/Design: Yours-Tragically

August 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
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September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
June 2009
August 2009
September 2009
December 2009

P.S: "Precious Moments" with Boyfriend kagina! =)) I wanted to share everything we talked about, but I will be a selfish bitch right now. Hahaha. I want to savor the moment muna! Haha!





Feeling pain is somehow great---the type of pain that defies our solidity; the one that proves us that we are not all that insensitive; the one that remind us that someone can still get the best of us. But we shouldn't let it take a toll on our self-esteem and destroy the rest of ourselves (that would be shallow for someone like me who wants a rational-slash-memorable death). We should put to mind that when we can only get hurt once we're loved. This my sound over rated, but when we love, pain comes along with it. And that`s so true.

I`m so worn out but I`m damn okay. The facts are aggravating but I love it damn too much; they make me feel real and alive though it's not that overwhelming. I may not be the best girlfriend but I learn from all my flaws. Oddly, it adds to the excitement or thrill of a newly sprouted relationship. K, what the fuck, sprouted.

I just don`t want to deal with this anymore. I`ll let her win. I`m so done with this, ano binatbat ko sa 3 yrs and 4 months? Hahaha. So there you go, a conclusion to all this madness. I could only careless, I wouldn't let anything ruin everything. I guess if she still loves him, why not. As long as I know he loves me and not her, I`m good. What`s only irritating is that she`s keeping with me like. I`m like what the fuck? What for bitch? But whatever you know, I`m in not position to restrain her from doing it, so why stop her? "It's a free country" I`ll let go of what frustrates me. If I let it frustrate me, then she wins.. Two points for her. Zero for me. If I don't, then I guess we're even. :P

BOOM. All is solved. At least, I think it is.

P.S Thanks bitch, you have been really helpful. Haha. Thank you for waking me up early in the morning just to tell me something was wrong and all those crap. Thank you big time.



I`m sorry but I just have to let this out!

I am having a hard time tolerating this kind of relationship, seriously! Though I love him beyond words, it is just so fuckin hard. :(( The ex girlfriend is forever disturbing, irritating and kills my bliss big time. How come she can`t darn move on? I pretty much understand that they have been together for more than 2 years, but that doesn`t give her the right to check up on MY boyfriend all the time, calling him everyday, and act as if they`re still together. Yes, you guys are friends, but what the fuck? Can you not get the picture? He is here, you are there. There is no way for you guys to rekindle whatever you had before. It is now me who he loves, and not you. So please, please lang gd ya, lihog, leave us alone.

If you think he`s still into you, then we wouldn`t be together right now. If you think he still cares for you, then why would he waste too much money and would come down all the way from NJ just to see me? If you think things are not yet over for the both of you, then why would he go back to Cali AGAIN next week just to be with me for one full week? If you think he still loves you, then why would he leave his life in NJ and plans to move here in Cali? Now, you tell me.

"If in one point in your life and you find yourself loving two person at the same time, go for the second one. Why? Because you wouldn't fall for the second one if you truly love the first one in, right?"

I am not saying I`m neither a third party nor a home wrecker because I never was- never will. He was single when we started dating, and it was just YOU who assumes that you guys are still together. Please stop, seriously.

Never underestimate the power of love, it can definitely make you do things you won't normally do, it pushes you out of your comfort zone, it can make you feel like you are on top of the world but it can also tear you down into little tiny pieces and it can take you over completely.

One of my greatest fear was to fall madly in love. The kind of love where you would sacrifice everything for that one person, there is nothing wrong with that but if you grew up witnessing a lot of people giving everything they have for this one special person then it ends up to nothing, and all they are left with is nothing, it can definitely put you off love. It's heartbreaking to see a person fall out of love, especially if that was everything they wanted. Since I have learned from my mistakes, I told myself that I will never love a person with all of my heart, soul and everything. I just didn't want to see myself break into pieces AGAIN and be left with nothing. I never did like pain and I don't think I'd be able to handle it again.

But look at me now, currently deeply in love with this wonderful man. Yes! I have eaten, swallowed and digested every single thing that I have said before about not falling madly in love. Where did my bitchiness go? I thought I promised myself that I will never love again? And if in case love comes along, I`d just shrug off? Haaaay, it's amazing what love can do to you.

I know myself better now, I ain't stupid. I know the consequences of my actions, I know that if we fall apart I will be left with nothing and it will hurt like a bitch. The fear still strikes me at times, but I couldn't care less, I've never felt so happy, loved, completed and contented in my whole life. He is everything I have ever wanted and what we have is so darn wonderful. There is no way I'm going to let a stupid fear hold me back! True love comes, and it only comes once!

Even if we do fall out in the end, at least I know I have given him everything that I have and did everything that I could for both of us. I will always love that man, always and I will never ever find another man like him. =))

I was walking pretty slow up to room 210 when Ruben bumped into me and asked if I was okay. I said I was fine, but he insisted. I was about to spill the deets when Mrs. Stovall called us outside the room and told us class will start in a while. I was slouching in my chair when another person came up to me and ask if I was okay. It irritated the shit outta and said IM OKAY! Mrs. Stovall heard me shout, so she started to calm everyone down and were asked to sit with our groups because we will watch the Presidential speech. I walked towards group 5, at the far right corner of the room and just sat there. I heard them mumbling some words, but I can`t seem to comprehend. For a sec, I thought my world suddenly stopped and it was just me. Nicole tapped my back and asked how I was, "I`m cool", I said. Lauro laughed at me and said "Obama just finished talking. Did you even wrote something?" I swiftly jot down some words that was somehow similar to them and acted as if I saw the entire speech. "The speeches went by really fast!" I said. "Uhhh, that was pretty long. 13 minutes from Mccain and 19 from Obama? Too much lying right there!" I was stoked in my seat and I never thought 33 minutes has passed. Discussions came and I was staring blanky on a piece of paper. Little did I know, I was looking through a piece of paper where his name was repeatedly doodled. Shit. Right when I saw his name, I felt like in a snap, I was back. I don`t really know how to end this blog, I`m just out of my mind lately and everything seem to be just a blurr. I have not kicked in a smile since this morning and it sucks. CONFUSION overload. God I need answers. I`m becoming too preoccupied about the stupidest things and I`m not liking it. I have too much responsibility to attend to and its`s just so frustrating that I can`t act "normal." I`m really sad right now, but I will keep my chin up as if my nose is bleeding.

I love you, and it`s all that matters. =))

I couldn`t be any happier than I am now, thank you so much. I am happiest when I`m with you. I`m sorry na lang sa iban na girls, but I am keeping you forever. They could always try another lifetime though because I am not letting you go. I love you always and forever babe!