Saturday, October 4, 2008
Sad Christmas.
The cold weather is here yet again. :| Boo, I never liked winter. Though a lot of people have been anticipating for this cold slash chillaxing weather, well guess what I am not. Aside from the coldness it brings to my skin, winter also means Christmas which for me isn`t "Christmas" anymore. I hope you get the point. This will be my third Christmas here in California and I am not sure of what will happen to us this year. I am afraid that I might only get upset again for spending Christmas here and will put the blame on Mom. I know I should not, but what the hell? If she was not persistent enough to go here, then we might still be in the Philippines living a simple and happy life. I am not saying that I am not happy here or staying here in Cali is just a waste of time because honestly speakin, it sure wasn`t. Who wouldn`t want to be in the land of opportunities? Who wouldn`t want to earn extra buck for his/her family in the Philippines? There`s just too much to consider. Roit.
But in point of fact, what I really want to say is that Christmas for me now is just a blur; nothing really special going on. Ever since we got here, every year`s Christmas is spent with numerous of unfamiliar people acting as if we have known each other for years. Man, I tell you it feels so awkward! Last Christmas would be my worst Christmas ever because aside from the fact that Mom wasn`t with us during Christmas eve, there were crapload of people I barely know. What even hurt me most is when they started giving out presents and I didn`t even get anything. Haha. Of course I`m kidding. However, it kinda made me sad though because it made me think how we usually spend our Christmas in the Philippines. :( We may not always have the best food in the table for Christmas Eve, I may not get what I truly want for Christmas, as long as my family is together in that very special ocassion, I am all good.
I am crossing my fingers that this year's Christmas would be at least an "okay" one. Since Mommy will be having her 2 weeks off for the month of December, I wish we could have a quality time together as family eventhough my Grandma and my Uncles and Aunties that I am closest to wouldn`t be here. :( I`m getting my hopes up that this year, I would have all the joy and pride to say "Merry Christmas!"
Sorry for this one depressing entry. I swear to God, everytime Winter comes closer I just get more depressed. You can`t blame me though, I was born and raised in the Philippines and for my 16 years of living there, I have grown to love and get used to our Culture. Americans don`t give a damn about Christmas, they seriously don`t. They actually give more attention to Turkey Day which is the Thanksgiving rather than Christmas. What a bull. But whatever you know, I don`t really care Christmas still tops my favorite season. I only kind of lost my interest in it because I know the essence of Christmas is having to put all your family members together thanking the Lord for giving us such a wonderful family, but I am cheerless to say that we won`t spend Christmas that way anymore. It has been three long years since we stopped celebrating "Christmas." It`s just so upsetting because we only have petty reasons why we can`t spend it in the Philippines. :(
Hay hay hay, Lord please help me go through this excruciating pain I am feeling. :(
Made love @ 1:35 AM
As what they always say, the cover doesn`t describe the inner content perfectly. I live my life the way i want it to be and as much as possible I don`t want anyone to take control of it. My parents and I usually argue just about everything because I stand by my principles. If I want something to happen, even if my parents won't approve to it, I'd still do it. I'm almost an adult and no one tells me what to do. I want I don`t consider myself "normal" because normal is boring. I go beyond that word, but I am not abnormal either. I'm just different from other people which makes me unique. I wear the fanciest clothes, paint the brightest nail colors, wear the most hideous make up but I don't care.
Contrary to what others are saying not a war freak, I just speak my mind, and for the most part I don`t think before I act. I speak sarcasm and a lot of people get offended by it. I have changed a lot, and I thank America for that! =)