WARNING: If your speakers are pumped up, please lower it down. :> Hahaha.







Okay I just realized that my last two blog entries were very much melodramatic and not to mention, very dragging. >:p I`m sorry, I was just exaggerating things yesterday and I had my PMS, so that pretty much explains it all. Haha. I feel a lot better now, thanks to those people who cheered me up yesterday. Thank you Ava, who sent me a comment both Plurk and in here, to my online friends who kept me sane the whole day and to my forever endorphins: chocolates. Without you guys, I could`ve died yesterday. Haha. Over, pero it`s true, I owe you one!

Lately, I have been acting like a total bitch and I don`t like it. Well, though admittedly, I am one (hahaha), it happens very rare. I only bitch around when there`s something to bitch at, but other petty reasons? Oh hell no. It`s so ironic how I bitched at people this weekend just after my midterms. Beat that! I know I should be happy and all because I`m so done with it, and I won`t have any tests not until finals, but it`s turning the other way around. Blame it on my PMS. Shit. or do you think I`m turning BIPOLAR? Haha. Oh please nooooo!

Every time Joel and I talk on the phone he`d go "Para kang bipolar. Minsan super happy, tapos minsan puro drama." I know he was just kidding, but it really hurt my feelings. I don`t find it funny, seriously. Quoted as being a bipolar is not a normal thing, I mean c`mon, when you`re bipolar it means there is something wrong with you. You need to consult a freakin doctor, it`s an illness! Waaaah. I know in my heart that I am not a bipolar, I`m not even on denial because it`s the truth. Maybe I`m just exaggerating things and thinks way beyond the normal thoughts, that`s why. What do you think? :|




Chocolate releases endorphin- Endorphins make you happy. Chocolates also cause certain endocrine glands to secrete hormones that affect your feelings and behavior by making you happy. Therefore, it counteracts depression, in turn reducing the stress of depression. Your stress-free life helps you maintain a youthful disposition, both physically and mentally.

I want to feel better. I have not received any messages/call from him today. I feel sad that`s why I`m munching on these little fellas. Yesssuh, I let my Dad drive all the way to Walmart just for `em. I want to be happy! Let`s all be happy people, come eat with me! =((



Geez, I hate myself for being such a drama queen. I know life is all about drama, but in my case, drama is an everyday thing. I have no clue if I am indeed a Bipolar (haha) or my mood swings/bitchiness is just caused by my PMS, seriously. I hate it when I blubber over petty things. It`s so immature. I know when there is love, pain comes along with it, but that doesn`t mean that I have to mull over it every day right? Fuck. Looking back on how I was before emotionally, things haven`t changed that much and I hate it.

Being in love is a magical feeling. The emotions are strong. It is so exciting that it may be hard to juggle both school and family responsibilities. Sometimes people confuse real love with the possessive love they may see on TV or the movies. They believe that love is only love at first sight. But really, mature love takes more time to develop. A lot of teens, count me in, believe they are in love once they feel the giddy feeling inside their tummy. Once they feel that someone cares and loves them big time. But, is it all just about that?

When we`re in love we “sometimes” give up all our friends just to be with him/her. Sometimes, we even stop doing the things we normally do just because our “other half” doesn`t was us to. We tend to be super possessive and won`t let our partner go out to party, for they might just flirt around and forget that they have a girlfriend/boyfriend. We get really jealous of any time our love ones talks to another person. Others are forced to do things they do not want to do, which could lead to unhealthy relationships/immature relationships. I have been in an immature relationship two years ago and honestly speaking it was hell.

My Ex boyfriend doesn`t trust me and he doesn`t even want me to go out and socialize. It was indeed Martial law. What he wants me to do is just sit at home and do nothing. There were a lot of “don’ts” and because I loved him too much, I followed every rule he bestowed on me. But then I thought, if he really loves me, he will trust me and will let me go out and socialize. God, we have known each other for years before we dated, so he knows pretty much a lot of me already. I didn`t see any reason why he should keep me at home because my exes before him is out and about with their present girlfriends! Haha! THERE WERE NO REASONS AT ALL. But to top this, all I want to say is that I don`t want to be in an immature relationship no more.

Aside from the fact that you get to have a lot of rules to follow, you don`t get be YOURSELF. There`s always this big wall in front of you that hinders you to do things. That is not love. If you love someone, you will let him/her be. You will trust her/him no matter what. If he/she cheats on your, it`s already out of your responsibility because you know you did your part. Mature love lets you be you. You can be yourself, and respected for it. People who share mature love do not see the other person as the solution to their problems. They see the other person as a wonderful gift. They spend time with each other's families and friends. Mature love relationships do not cause people to give up their values rather helps them to keep it.

I`m sorry Joel for acting like a total bitch last night. I know I should`ve just stopped bitching and talked to you instead. I know you tried to keep your temper, but I was just in controllable. I`m so sorry, I swear this won`t happen again. “Immature love” took over again last night, I swear last na to. I`m so sorry. :( I love you Babe always and forever!


Daddy doesn`t care if I`m 18

He doesn`t care if I`m already in college

He doesn`t care if I already wear clothes than a normal teen/young adult do.

He doesn`t care bringing me to school every single day and picking me up after

He doesn`t care if I can`t cook for myself because for the most part, he does all those.

He doesn`t care if just sit at home and do nothing.

He doesn`t care if I throw in tantrums and such.

and most importantly he doesn`t care if I am OBVIOUSLY legal because I will always be my Daddy`s Little Princess.

It`s funny because whenever Joel and I are on the phone he would make sure that he`d say something that would disrupt us :)) Hahaha. Hayy Daddy. :))


We were on our way to starbucks a while ago and when i got into the car, country music was blazing through the stereo. I was like

"dad can you tone down please?" and he goes "ngaman? (why?)"

"uhh cuz the windows are open and everybody could hear your lame songs. if you want to listen to country songs then put the window up." and then he goes.

"wala ko labot, country boy ko e!" (I don`t care, I`m a country boy!) and he freakin grinned his ass! hahahaha. :)) UHHHH. OKAAAAAAYYY!

I got irritated so I switched to it khop, where they play pure pop and rnb songs. Low was playing and he started singing. "SHONEY got low low low low low!" At first I didn`t get what he was singing cuz he was mumbling the words and shit but after the second chorus, omg. hahaha. After hearing him sing, I swear to God I can`t even catch my breath from too much laughing. Hahaha. SHONEY instead of SHAWTY? Oh wow! So I was like "maybe you really should stick to country music!" Haha. That made my day! :))


I am "home sicked" and it`s not even funny. But it`s not homesick as in I`m missing home kind of way, maybe it is more of like heart sick for all the things that i cant get back. Idk, its just hard for me to define myself. I live in the past, in the memories I have, with the people I love and it sucks big time. It`s hard for me to fall in love, it`s hard for me to commit myself to others and it`s hard for me to take risks simply because I`m still attached to my past.

But I was wrong.

I must learn to let go and open my heart once again. I know it wouldn`t be easy, but I have to. It surprises me sometimes that I don`t think about "him" that much anymore. He`s becoming indiscernible in my life and I want to happen it that way. Thank you so much babe for helping me get through my hell life. I thank Joel in particular because he saw the beauty in me which "him" never did see. He made me feel that I am worth loving and just like what I said in my previous blog, he keeps me going.

Okaaay back to first love, you know what I have learned lately? I swear, you wouldn`t even consider this, but I have learned that I don`t actually "miss" First love. What I miss is the good memories we shared together and the things he used to do for me. He is this one guy that would do anything for love. He was close to perfect and he is every girl`s dream boy. Haha. Seriously. That is why his girlfriend can`t blame me. "He" was my first ever serious boyfriend. We had this intimate relationship for more or less 4 fuckin years- the first two years were awkward and the last two were the major ones. So tell me, do you think I DON`T have the reason to act like this? Bullshit.

But then again, whatever. I am so over this issue and I don`t want to bring this all up again. I am much much better now. I know where I made mistakes and I won`t commit such flaws again. I am happy with my life right now and things just get better and better everyday. Whatever Joel and I both have, it may last for awhile or for a lifetime, I don`t care. All I know is that he loves me, I love him and it`s all that matters. =)

P.S: I just talked to my friend Shana and she just told me that THE CURRENT GIRLFRIEND is still talking trash about me. Well not quite, but she still asks random questions, pinipilit pa din na hindi daw true love, na I was immature and all that crap. You know what Girl, the only thing I could tell you is MOVE ON. I have moved on, so sana ikaw din. Yes I know you don`t care about me because you don`t even know me personally- right on bitch I don`t know you personally too. So why be insecure? =) Pero don`t worry, once I get back (which is next yeat) I will be the one to introduce myself to you ng bonggang bongga. =) I am already happy with Him, so whatever issues you and Tilos are going through, I`m out of it. I am happy regardless the nasty shit your garbage mouth is saying. =) Anu daw? Pota. Haha. Babye na.



To be blunt, I have no idea why he suddenly came along. I actually never imagined this to happen because I was too much stuck in my past that I never thought about having another boyfriend. But since God moves in mysterious ways (haha!), he sent one of his angels from heaven, and with no doubt at all, Joel sure captured my heart in a snap.

Dear Joel,

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I fee like this is all planned by God and this is not just plain fate. I know I sound too cheesy but I don`t give a damn. I love you endlessly. I love you with no hesitations at all, without queries nor complexities, I just Love You. You are my inspiration and you keep me going. Thank you Babe, I just fuckin hope you feel the same way.

Love,
Me.




I received two amazing awards while I was away! =)) Yey. But I feel bad though because I wasn't able to tag the awards back ASAP. There were just a lot of Midterms this week and I was going nuts. Anyhoo I`m back my cyber friends, and I can`t thank you guys enough for reading my blog and for still continuously reading my rants. Wow. I never really expected this. lol Thanks!


Once accepting this award, the rules are as follow:
1. Put the logo on your blog.
2. Add a link to the person who awarded you.
3. Nominate 10 other blogs.
4. Add links to those blogs on yours.
5. Leave a message for your nominees on their blogs.

Thank you Cutreenuh for giving me this award. lol. I don`t really find my blog cool, but I`m glad you appreciate it. =)) Thanks so much! I am passing this blog to the following people: Eunice, Camille, Jhei, Joesyl, Cassandra, Ivy, Joana, XTY and Catrina.



Rules:
1. Link the person who started this award. (GEnYZe)
2. Link the person who "LOVE" you.
3. Post the rules on your blog. This is what you are now reading.
4. Tag 7 people at the end of your post and link to them.
5. Let each person know they have been "LOVED" and leave a comment on their blog.

I also wanted to thank Ava for the "I love you this much" Award =) Thanks! I also love yours so I am tagging you back. lol Now I am tagging Ava, Gel, Rosadelle, Nica, Karla, Bianca and Ate Nadz.

P.S: I will be blog again tonight. I wanted to condense everything here but I don`t want to screw the awards shizz. This entry is just for the awards itself. Haha. :))





I can`t sleep! What the fck. It`s barely 4:30 in the morning, but I can`t keep my eyes shut! I`ve been trying really hard to sleep because I have too many accords to attent to tomorrow, but geez I have been lying in my bed for 1 hour now! I know I just had Starbucks to always keep me awake, but it wasn`t just about that.

5 hours ago, I was talking to this guy I really like. He is the sweetest guy ever and he just swept me off my feet! =D I know boys usually do that to get the girl`s attention, but what the hell I enjoyed every minute of it! Carpe Diem! Haha. I have not felt this for a long time and it feels really weird slash good know that someone likes you big time. I just hope and pray that he won`t turn out to be a jerk because I wouldn`t take another heart break. I`ve been through hell and back; and I`m afraid I might end up being psychotic! Hahaha.

Actually, we are not going out just yet. We still have to get to know each other more before we committ ourselves. I am in no rush in having a boyfriend and I think so does he, so we are good. What worries me though is since he lives in New Jersey and he only goes to Cali whenever he can, we might have some problems regarding "spending time with each other" kind of thing. Admittedly, I am very much of a demanding Girlfriend and I should always get what I want so having him here in Cali is most likely NOT going to happen. I don`t know if this would lead to something though, but you know I`m just rationalizing things before it happens. I sound so sure about this relationship, gosh I hope I won`t look like a loser. Haha

Maybe I just like him too much that I am becoming frail more than ever. But just like what Catherine said in Iisa Pa Lamang "Ngayon, mamahalin ko siya ng naka bukas ang mga mata ko. Hindi na ko magpapabulag sa pag-ibig." I guess that tops my entry. Pray for me guys. I don`t want to have another blood curdling love life. =D


This week was hell! If there`s a word that surpasses the word hell, then that might be the right word to describe how my week was. Monday we had an in class essay yet again and for the second time around, I did pretty bad. I passed the exam itself, but I know I could have done better. Add the fact that our group was kind of "suspended" last Monday for being too noisy, throwing papers and wasn't paying attention to the Professor. Gulp. I know we smart, but we cool too! Hahaha. We left the class 30 minutes before it ended. Woohoo.lol

I had to get up extra early Tuesday because I still have to print my Sociology paper in school; only to find out that the paper was due Thursday. Fawk! God, she didn`t even informed us about changing the deadlines. I was rushing through the library just to have it printed! And by the way, I had to print my paper in our school library because she wants us to use this certain kind of paper that only our library has. See, what a bitch. Oh well. I don`t like that class, I never liked that class. Psychology went pretty well because Professor Merchant was in a good mood. We did nothing really major but talk about what we did last weekend. Yes! The whole one hour and 30 minutes, all we did was chat!

I slept 3 in morning (that was Wednesday EARLY in the morning) hoping I could get my ass out of my bed before 12, but uh-oh. I did not! I woke up at 12:45pm and my class starts at 1. I hurridly went to the bathroom and took a breif (when I say breif bath that means no conditioner, no proactive, no bubble bath what so ever!) bath and left. I arrived at the West Campus looking like a kindergarten who just got out from the shower. Gosh, it felt weird! My classmates were making fun of me and asking me if we have blowers at home. Haha. I swear to God though they kinda molested me on how I looked, it made my day!

Thursdays always makes me happy. Aside from the fact that I get out early, Thursday means I have no class the next day! Yey! Psychology today spelled the word stress and confusion. We talked about the different personality perspective and I just went gaga over it. It was easy to know the definition of each, but when you start analizing it gets confusing! Sociology was boring as usual. Well, who wouldn`t get bored if your Professor talks in same tone she does everyday. I swear it doesn`t change. I know for some reasons we like it that way because she doesn`t get hysterical or something, but dude it bores the hell outta me. Actually, I even had a 15 minute nap while she was lecturing! Haha.

-- Okay I know this doesn`t sound hell-ish to you guys but in the middle of those classes, I had to do paper works. When I get at home by 3, I start doing my homeworks and work on my essays and shit. I had the worst week so far and it`s just starting. Deadlines are coming my way and I have to get them all done ASAP. I swore to myself that I will start doing all it this weekend, but I guess I would pretty much procrastinate AGAIN. But who knows, I might not. :)) I am just enjoying the time I have now. :D College life is BLAH.


Pure Happiness- this is what I have been struggling to achieve almost 1 year now. But what I have realized lately is that, I should be happy on my own and not depend on someone who can make me happy. I thought that being single is the worst status you will ever be in but no, I don`t think it is. That`s why I chose to be single. It`s not because I am afraid to fall in love again and end up being hurt, it`s more than that. I want to be happy on my own. I want to be accountable for my own happiness and for my good mood for the entire day. I have been used to always have "someone" there for me all the time. Someone to make me happy, make me feel special and someone to just be there for me when I need him the most. I had my first boyfriend when I was in 1st year high school and from then on, I was never single not til last year. I don`t mean to sound arrogant but what can I say, boys just come knocking on my door! lol. So, because of that I have always been dependent on someone, but I thought to myself that that is not the way to go. I believe that if someone wants to be happy, she/he will find ways for her/him to be happy! Some people say that you need your boyfriend/girlfriend for you to feel that you are complete, but dude, it`s not just all about them, this is all about you- about me!

Hay...

But I wish it was that easy......

P.S: I was inspired to write because I was listening to Colbie Callait`s Realize and I swear to God, it gets me every time.:( First love issues yet again.


The cold weather is here yet again. :| Boo, I never liked winter. Though a lot of people have been anticipating for this cold slash chillaxing weather, well guess what I am not. Aside from the coldness it brings to my skin, winter also means Christmas which for me isn`t "Christmas" anymore. I hope you get the point. This will be my third Christmas here in California and I am not sure of what will happen to us this year. I am afraid that I might only get upset again for spending Christmas here and will put the blame on Mom. I know I should not, but what the hell? If she was not persistent enough to go here, then we might still be in the Philippines living a simple and happy life. I am not saying that I am not happy here or staying here in Cali is just a waste of time because honestly speakin, it sure wasn`t. Who wouldn`t want to be in the land of opportunities? Who wouldn`t want to earn extra buck for his/her family in the Philippines? There`s just too much to consider. Roit.

But in point of fact, what I really want to say is that Christmas for me now is just a blur; nothing really special going on. Ever since we got here, every year`s Christmas is spent with numerous of unfamiliar people acting as if we have known each other for years. Man, I tell you it feels so awkward! Last Christmas would be my worst Christmas ever because aside from the fact that Mom wasn`t with us during Christmas eve, there were crapload of people I barely know. What even hurt me most is when they started giving out presents and I didn`t even get anything. Haha. Of course I`m kidding. However, it kinda made me sad though because it made me think how we usually spend our Christmas in the Philippines. :( We may not always have the best food in the table for Christmas Eve, I may not get what I truly want for Christmas, as long as my family is together in that very special ocassion, I am all good.

I am crossing my fingers that this year's Christmas would be at least an "okay" one. Since Mommy will be having her 2 weeks off for the month of December, I wish we could have a quality time together as family eventhough my Grandma and my Uncles and Aunties that I am closest to wouldn`t be here. :( I`m getting my hopes up that this year, I would have all the joy and pride to say "Merry Christmas!"

Sorry for this one depressing entry. I swear to God, everytime Winter comes closer I just get more depressed. You can`t blame me though, I was born and raised in the Philippines and for my 16 years of living there, I have grown to love and get used to our Culture. Americans don`t give a damn about Christmas, they seriously don`t. They actually give more attention to Turkey Day which is the Thanksgiving rather than Christmas. What a bull. But whatever you know, I don`t really care Christmas still tops my favorite season. I only kind of lost my interest in it because I know the essence of Christmas is having to put all your family members together thanking the Lord for giving us such a wonderful family, but I am cheerless to say that we won`t spend Christmas that way anymore. It has been three long years since we stopped celebrating "Christmas." It`s just so upsetting because we only have petty reasons why we can`t spend it in the Philippines. :(

Hay hay hay, Lord please help me go through this excruciating pain I am feeling. :(


So I was just wondering if I am the only teenage girl who doesn`t read Stephanie Mayer`s book Twilight? I heard it made such a huge hit early this year(?) and every body is just talking about it; just like my friend Nicole! Gosh, every time I`d sit beside her, she`d always tell me how Edward Cullen is so hot and she would even narrate the whole story! How obsessed can she get man? I was like "Gosh Nicole, you have some Twilight issues!" Haha. Omg, she seriously does and the rest of her friends as well and I am always left dumbfounded every time they`d start talking about it. Like c`mon now? What does Twilight have? Lambs? Lion? Haha. I don`t even know, for heaven`s sake! A lot of people have been encouring me to read the book but I don`t want to. Reading is not just part of my system and I don`t want to read a bunch of crap just to understand the whole story. At least in Gossip Girl they have their own show, I don`t have to go over every book Mayer has just to understand the whole meaning of the Lion who fell in love with the Lamb cliche/line.

Don`t get me wrong twilighters because I am not against Twilight or whatnot. In fact, I feel like a loser for not reading thebook because almost all of my friends are just so into it. Now, I know how it feels to be at the back of everything and you just can`t relate. Haha. Oh well. That`s all for now. Sorry for rambling. :))


Okay, I know I said in my previous blog entry that I am actually on hiatus for the whole month of October, but guess what? I am so back and I have lots of kwentos. Haha. First off, the said to be "copy cat" apologized to me 2 days ago. Yes she did and I was happy she did. Here. I don`t mean to be ruthless for calling her names though but what she did was just not right. But, after reading her message I kinda felt bad. I know I should have not called her names and broadcasted it to the entire cyber world instead, I should have talked to her. Tsk. I`m really brutal like that. Tsk. But oh well, I don`t feel sorry for myself though. I know where I stand. I may have over reacted (just a little bit) but what the heck? Aren`t you going to feel the same way just like what I did? Buuuuh whatever, let bygones be bygones. People should learn how to make their own blogs/entries and should not plagiarize. ;)


Okay MOVING ON.....
**
He is my cousin`s son and he`s my very first nephew! I was just happy when I saw his pictures because he looks exactly just like my cousin. Though he is undeniably half WHITE with his uber tangos nose, I was glad that there was just a slight resemblance between Jake and his Dad, who by the way looks like Heath Ledger. Arrghhh! And uhhh, Jake just turned 2 months last Wednesday and he`s really huge for his "age". I can barely wait to see him pretty soon. Jakeyyy, Tita will be in Australia soon! Yey!

**
Hello Cellulites. How you been?
Damn.

STARVATION IS THE ANSWER!!!
I seriously need to starve myself before I look like a plump. I don`t want to grow up like literally and figuratively GROW UP. I am used to being skinny and having extra small clothes. Now, I can`t even get a SMALL in Abercrombie. Gosh. Okay, I buy clothes in Abercrombie kids since, A&F clothes are way too big for me but anyhoo, I`m frustrated. I want to lose weight so bad. My legs look awful. Everytime I wear my super skinny jeans they just look as awful as it sounds. :)) Haha. Well, I am not like super duper fat or whatever but I just don`t want to gain more weight. I am quite satisfied with how I look like but my Mom is just the biggest bitch ever and she often tells that I look so obese na. :(( Boo. What a supportive Mother. Haha.

If in the next weeks or so and I won`t lose weight pa, then I will be needing a dietitian na. :)) Hahahahahaha. Help me find one? :p

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Okay, sorry for the boring and unorganized snippets. I know I should`ve edited this shit out and made a decent blog instead but I`m too tired to redo all of them. I just took this all out from my Multiply just so I have something to kwento. Haha. I really want to make this site work as much as possible so I am doing all these. Sorry na. Tinatamad ang lola. Haha. I`ll put up a decent blog tomorrow, I will really try. :))

Btw, Vote Mariel Rodriguez in Asap`s Fashion Icon chuva. Just type in POP71 and send it to 2331 for globe and tm and 231 for smart and talk n text subscribers. Please do, I am so frustrated because I don`t have my roaming number so there is no way that I could help in voting her. Mariel should win!!! Haha. Sorry ha, I love her eh. Nak nang. :))