I think I`ve finally come to the harsh realization that he`s never going to be mine. As in never. I know you guys would tell me I told you so, but whatever. Shit happens most of the time and I have nothing to do about it. It's done, it was my fault and I can't blame any other person but myself. But just like what I've said, Whatever. After what happened last June 24th, I promised myself that I would never ever put myself into humiliation again, never! It was like the most horrible feeling in the world- be humiliated by someone you truly love. I wouldn't spare any infos na lang for he might or his friends might read this post and I could pretty much picture out what I will happen to me so I better stay shut.

Anyhow, after the incident I only realized one thing- that sometimes it doesn't really pay off to be patient. Teachers would always remind us way back in High School in the saying Patience is a Virtue, that's why I was really persistent in winning him back and that waiting for 1 year was just a piece of cake. But look what happened to me? What did I get? Nothing. Instead I got hurtful words from the person I never thought would say that to me. I was bitch-slapped with words that you would never want to hear and words that I never knew he would come up with. But then again, Whatever you know. As much as I wanted to care about what happened, I'll just let it slip and wait til the time that it'll be washed away in my mind and to finally forget about this blood-curdling episode in my life.

But despite what happened and no matter how many things may change, he`ll always be My Boo. He was my first love and pretty much my one true love so the feelings won't fade just like that. I know it would take me sometime before I can finally say that I have moved on but I trust God and I trust myself that I could move on and little by little it'll fade and it'll feel like I never loved him. Tira Tira.

Those super strong feelings I used to have aren't there anymore. And for the first time in so long, I really don't care. I am starting to pick myself up and I will go on with my life. I'm less lonely because God is helping me go through these and there are people who loves me. I don't need one person for me to be happy and enjoy life, I got more than what I thought I have and I couldn't be any happier. But of course there are times where I long to have someone who I can run to crying on a bad day and they just have to hug me and every thing's okay. Or where we can sit and stare at each other for hours without saying a word, yet knowing exactly what the other is feeling and saying. It's the little things I miss most. I know I'll find my guy eventually; I just get lonely. But I guess it's just so normal. So I'm ready to move on with my life, and have it get better. Because I've gone through a lot in the past year, and it's about time I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I will be happier; I just wish I would be in the next months or so. I'm only going up from here- and I still have a long way to go. :)

~ and to the girl who thinks she own the world, you could have your boyfriend. Suck him in your juice box!! He is all yours now and I won't ever attempt in getting back with him anymore. Feel secure now because there's no backing up, I am seriously closing my doors for him.

P.S: Whew. That was a long vent. But anyhow please do still expect me to blog about him once in awhile. I am very fickle minded and sometimes I myself doesn't even know what will happen next. So yeah. :) Thanks for taking your time in reading my blog. I thought I would never put what I felt into words, but I'm so glad I did. Toodles biiiitches.

XOXO
Paula is