"10 reasons why parents didn’t like my ex" =) I seriously saw this on a long bond paper stuck inside the pockets of my wallet. I was looking for my California ID but to my surprise I saw this. I then clearly remembered that weeks before we broke up I wrote some things that somehow made me realize a lot of things. In that little piece of crap, I wrote all the things that we both shared as couple, I wrote all the things I love about him, the girls he hooked with, the things we usually argue about and the things that I hate most about him. Ask me if it all fit in one cute little piece of paper? Well, surprise it did. :) I have a cute handwriting you know, so no doubt that I was able to pour everything in, in a small piece of paper. It was dated June 17, 2007 and it was a Sunday. I can’t remember what triggered me to write all those things though, but I'm just glad I did. Well anyways, when I turned the back of the paper I saw "Why parents didn't like [insert name] at all. :(" Imma start okay?

1. He has the vices you could imagine! Seriously. He smokes, he drinks, he plays poker like hell, he's a computer/online games addict name it, he has it! But I believe so that he doesn't take any rogaine and with that I am pretty much assured.

2. Parents said with no doubt at all he is the kind of guy who is not monogamous. :( They always tells me that he's a playboy and he can't withstand having just ONE. But of course, I strongly disagreed. I know in my heart that though he may be very flirtatious sometimes, I know he loves me with all his heart. But parents were not convinced. :(

3. He is extensively lazy to the maximum level. He hates going to school, for him schooling is another piece of crap and to hell with everybody because he aint going to any of his classes. I don't know what he wants to do in his life. Parents were like "What could be your future with him if he continues to ditch his class everyday?" "Would he be able to find a decent job?" "Would he be able to feed you in the future?" (I've been very vocal to my parents that he is my last love. and that if i would have to marry someone right now, that'd be him) I know they we're thinking way too advanced but hey, they have a point right there.

4. He is a party animal, a party whore or whatever you may call someone that parties way too much. He is a kind of guy who is ready to suck all the energy he saved the whole day in just 4 hours of partying. I know there's nothing wrong with that but it takes too much of our time together. I mean okaay the scene is always like this, when he's at home on a Friday or Saturday night and the clock ticks 9:30 his phone starts ringing like kuhreyzee, I hear his friends honking their cars outside my house like shiiit, he would then hug me, kiss me and tell me that he's leaving. Thinking that he only got here like 40 minutes ago. Baby, 40 minutes is just like 5 seconds. C'mon now!

5. He is WAR FREAK! This time I'm not kidding anymore. He really is war freak. That's only two things, it's either he started the fight or he'll finish the fight. ENDOFSTORY. That's also one thing that we argue most about. My god, if you happen to see him mad like shit, especially when he's drunk you better find your way back home dude cuz you're going down! To all my friends, you are all my witnesses. :p He is evil when he's mad. And also when he gets jealous? FUHFREYYK! He'll beat yo ass off homes! That's really *****. I don't enjoy fights, it's too violent. But you know what? Every time he's on a fight, I always feel secured. I mean I know he'll beat the shit out of someone who'll gang up on me or something like that. :) I always tell myself that, I don't know why. My Boyfriend's a bad boy.

6. Mommy has been a very good observant. She knew that he was totally in control of my life that even in the way I dress up I still have to let him know what I am going to wear. Mommy said that if he really do love me, he wouldn't do that in fact he'll be proud of me of what I am wearing. Just so you know guys, I am not allowed to wear the following: tight pants, hipster pants, backless, tube top, sleeveless singlet, super tight tees, white tees [for some random reason], skirts, mini skirt, dress, mini dress and anything that shows off my skin are off limits. He always tells me that "I don’t care if you won't follow the trend, as long as you follow me." Whoooo. That was like an exaggeration of Marshal Law right there!

7. Parents said if we have a normal kind of relationship we won't be breaking up like twice a month or more. We have this indescribable love-hate relationship that parents didn't actually like and thought that it was stupid. In our 1 year and 4 months of being together we possibly had this "away-bati-break-hindi" thing for more than 20 times. Like I'm serious!

8. He doesn't usually shows up whenever there's a family gathering or whatnot. Well, he does sometimes but that would take us like 2 days of major PILIT and major angga/lambing. So parents we're then again like "It is your family he's going to meet. If he loves you he would really love to go" But hello? How could he still go when in the first place they start making fun of him? MOMMY is usually the one who opens up the topic and she would end up making fun of him which he didn't like. I could say he is pikon but I can't blame him. So even just a normal dinner at my house, he would really make a cover up that he has to do some errands or that he has to finish his home works and stuffs like that. I could really sense that once he step into my house, he gets all anxious. :D

9 & 10. This is for 9 and 10. I swear this is going to be worth the two numbers. :) Okaaaay my "ex" doesn't know the word EFFORT. Seriously. In some cases, he sends off flowers and chocolates though but that's just not it. Do you get what Im tryna say? 1 great example was in my whole stay here in the States, he never called me. Like I mean he called me once though but that was because I made him call me! He seriously just waits for my call and he would come and complain that I don't text him or call him and that I have totally taken for granted our relationship. I was like WHAT THE FREAK? Are you serious about that? Like can you see the difference? I call you, but you don't call me. I exert my full effort in this relationship but you? You do nothing. Another instance where my Uncle went home to the Philippines and I made him bring the present I have for HIM. I got him a Hollister T-shirt that cost me like my 1 week allowance and I wrote him a long ass uber touching letter. When my cousin gave the present he asked HIM if he has something in mind to give me or something, you know what he said? Wala nang ah. Ara naman siya tanan, and sa America ara na tanan dba?. I have nothing for her cuz I think she has everything already and in America don't they have everything? My cousin was like OKAAAAAY? I wasn't actually expecting anything from him though because I'm not like that. But it was really a big issue for my parents. They we're all "The thing called Initiative, he doesn't have that!" The conversation then became really serious and it even reached the highest level it could get. I was already crying because they we're really not liking him and I felt like there's nothing more I can do that would turn their perception. And hearing them say that He doesn't deserve me just got right through me and it hurt like hell!

But little by little I have learned that Parents know best. I felt that maybe he is not the right one for me. I don't want to say that he doesn't deserve me because I loved him too. It only hurts me because after all that I have sacrificed for him, all the heart aches he caused me yet I still continued to love him, all the lies he told me and all the crappy things he did to me , I thought to myself that I needed a break. I needed time to love myself again. I needed to bring back the old me, the old Paula before he totally manipulated my life.

It's been almost gonna be one year now since I asked for that time, since I had my freedom back and I can truly say that now, I’ve learned to love myself even more. I became more mature and realized that I’m not going to change for anybody. If he can’t handle me at my worst, then sure as hell he can’t have me at my best!  But I will always be thankful to him. I have learned a lot in our relationship and from him as well. I will never be bitter for I know he also loved me in the best way that he could and I thank him for that. Everything that we shared together will be treasured and he’s rest assured that I will never ever forget him because he already made a big impact in my life. :)

PS: I did not blog this to make sira my ex or something like that. I never plan to do that. I just honestly found this and it somehow motivated me to blog about it. And also to make known to people that when we're in love we tend to forget to love ourselves and we give our all to our special someone. But the thing that we should always consider is, is our special someone worth all the sacrifices? Is he going to make it all worthwhile? because in my case, it turned out that he wasn't worth everything. :) Well not quite, but somehow, yeah I guess. I wasted all my time and effort for nothing. Take it from the expert you guys! I've been there, done that! :D